My Mood - Not sad, but not happy
I went to see my therapist again today, talked about my mother this time, and how it affects me, and how I feel like if I left the house everything would fall apart.I'm reminded that I am not a stone pillar, and I have to do whats best for me so I don't fall apart. Leaving may not be the right move now, but I have to realize I'm going to have to go soon.
I talked more about El, I feel like I'm moving on, but I feel no immediate closure from the situation, she asked me what kind of closure I was looking for, and that trying to go out to see her wouldn't be wise, I've thought about it, but I wouldn't want to derail whatever it is she has, plus me showing up unexpectedly now? Would just be weird.
A friend of mine on Saturday night had asked me to "make a baby" with her, by being her surrogate, that night (while being intoxicated) I thought she just wanted to do it so I said "I'll make a baby with you" The next day she called and told me everything about it, and I was floored. Now I want to have kids some day, but this wouldn't be my kid, it would be me giving up rights and putting my "seed" in a cup, I don't know if I could be around her knowing a little me is there and not having any part in its life.
Guess that's what happens when your friends think you'd make a cute baby.
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