The Love is not lost

I think I'm still in love with her,I almost said something to her today on the channel we both visit, but I thought it best to keep to myself,I have someone else as does she, and it won't be healthy for me to start picking at that wound. I love that woman so much though,and I'm not afraid to admit it either, I need to let it go though, its not going to help any of us.

forming to break apart

Been busy being Mr boyfriend lately, its really somewhat of a job to be in a relationship that's well, not long distance and not just casual sex.I'm going shopping for things I didn't know I needed (or can even buy) I'm known as "We" now or anything I have has become "Our's" I'm guessing you don't always become one thing when you are involved, but that's what I feel like I've become.

I enjoy spending time, and getting closer and everything, but I am still not in love with her, she has already told me she loves me, what happens when I never feel that way? Do I keep going till its there? I thought I was falling for her, but I don't know, something feels different I'd hate to think I'm still caught up on Her, its been a while now and I mean c'mon  I know she was my first, but it can't be that can it?


Can it?

Wondering

Okay, I just rethought about how I got back with my girlfriend, we had a long talk about where we are in life, and where we wanna be,and how I have become very special to her and something positive in her life instead another one of her negatives.If she ever reads this, she might get a little pissed at me, but recently she confessed to me she had a drug problem in the past and it caused a rift in her relationship with her parents to this day (she doesn't talk to them).

She's not good making long term things work out, but suddenly she really wants to fix that by being with me, and making it work, she told me she was falling for me, I'm not quite there yet, I still have my shields up since the last time I fell in love (which also happened to be the first) I don't want it to end like that and me end up in another bubble of being stuck with a broken heart.

I really like her, and she's real fun to be around, the further this goes this time, the more I can see myself falling in love with her, also where I am in my life as far as my heart, a little part of it still and will always belong to my first love.That doesn't mean there's no part of it that will belong to her, but I'm fine with keeping things simple at the moment.

I didn't push her, but I want to try to help her if she's willing to have a relationship with her parents again, I know how important family is and you only have one mother and father.I'm really happy again it feels good to be in a positive place again the skies the limit, I realized that before I can love anyone again, fully, I need to love myself.

I think I finally do, Lisanna (Ya I know,I didn't plan to have the next girl I date to have a name close to my ex) thank you for reaching out and opening up to me, telling me about your struggles and insecurities I'm happy that we can try this relationship for real this time.

Shining Down

YAY! My credit check came out good, and it turns out we only have to pay the minimum for the security deposit of 500 dollars + a pro rate of the rent. I think my mom is nudging the big guy up stairs and telling him to hook us up.Thanks mom you're the best.


Also I think it should be mandatory for a boyfriend or girlfriend to tell their significant other BEFORE they decide to make a drastic change to themselves.My girlfriend decided she wanted a Mohawk,and lo and behold she has one,its not the typical version of one, its a bit of a variation, and she assures me she won't always wear it up in the style.So I'm going to be the good boyfriend and accept it.

I didn't really know she was sorta punk rock-ish which is actually turning out to be a bigger turn on than I expected. I'm really enjoying my life and where its going right now. A new beginning in a new place, Back with my girlfriend, and she wants more than what we had before, (which was dates on the end of the week and "booty calls") ahh everything is good.

3rd times the charm?

I might be stupid or lonely or horny, or something, but I got back together with my ex today.She told me she wanted more than what we had too, and realizes how hard it is to find that in today's world. That makes me happy, I hope this time things can work out for the best.

Moving Nightmare

God I hate moving, its such a pain in the ass, that and the fact my dad might have fucked up my credit just by giving me the same name as him is frustrating, I'll find out tomorrow for sure if everything is ok, if not It looks as though I might have no place to go. Which is not good.