Sometimes I wish my life was like an anime, that way I wouldn't have to worry about rejection and loneliness.Because I'd have 10 girls who were in love with me and could probably have them all be with me at the same time, forever.

Things aren't that easy though, and I'm stuck with this crapper of a love life, I've changed my perspective on dating now, and I think its going to hurt me, because I'm not in the "I'd bang her" mentality I'm  more in the "I'd love to have a family with her someday" area.falling in love and experiencing that I don't want to go back to where I was before,But does that fuck up how I view girls? How I view what I want?

I wish it were easier, I wish I wasn't so bashful about talking to the opposite sex, maybe things would be a lot easier if  doing that came so much easier. El was easy because we had a common interest and talking to her just felt comfortable, but what happened today with nelly is the reason I am so afraid to ask a girl out, the fear of being rejected and this time it was for being me.

I need help on this sorta thing, but my friends aren't the greatest help tbh, one of them went from sister to sister, and before that he hooked up with his other ex through my space. Another friend of mine can talk to women like its a cake walk, his smooth voice sorta helps too.Then there's my friend who basically cheats on every girl he's with and is great at opening conversations with girls, but we are totally different people, so I can't do that.

All my female friends tell me to be myself, say I'm wonderful and all that, but none of them would date me, kim, she looks at me as a brother, I had a thing for her years ago but all she ever seen me for was this funny silly guy who would always make her laugh, thats how all the girls in my life see me, none of them take me serious, am I that immature that no one wants to take me seriously?

I can't help how I am, I love to make people feel better about themselves and their days, that's why most of my friends tend to ask me to go places a lot but I turn them down. Why am I always that guy? the guy who everyone loves to be around, but not actually be with, am I looking at the wrong people? Should I change? I don't know, there's no one I can ask either, I want to ask you, because you liked me for me, and you took me seriously, but I feel if you compliment me and tell me I'm fine I'll question why we ended, and I don't want to bring that on either of us.

Sigh..... here I go, rambling again, I doubt anyone will read this,I'm so lonely, but I'm not really sad, I'm just disappointed in myself.