Living in dreams

My Mood - not good?


I feel achy everywhere, my ankle is still swollen from another stupid accident at work, my sides feel like they've been stretched due to my bed, and my heart aches a bit, that's probably because I spent most of the day watching romantic movies,wasn't my intention, but the good ones really make me feel good because it lets me go back to feeling that way, then the movie is over and I realize I don't have it anymore and well it makes my heart hurt.

I'm hanging in there though I guess, sometimes I just feel like my life has no purpose, if I were to just die would it matter? would anyone other than my mother cry for me? I hate going to that place, but that's just how the day has been today, even cried earlier, sometimes I wonder if I'm really grown, or am I still just a little boy who wants love, I can't call it.

So I'll put up this front and carry on, this blog has been like my personal journal for my feelings, I don't know how I'd deal with them as much if I didn't have one. Sigh, I wish I could just find someone again, and just settle down and know my place in life, I'm tired of drifting, of just making it by, I feel so tired, I'm just so over all of this, my dreams are the best thing going in my life, sleeping is the greatest joy ever, its probably why my body hurts so much.

I had another dream about my "family" last night, I really loved it, and when I woke up I tried so hard to get back to it, but I couldn't I think it just fucked up my whole day when I couldn't but I'm so happy its time to sleep again, I do hope I have another one, I wish I could just live in this dream world,its where I want to be now. Its all I want.