My stars

After what happened last night, I feel more determined then ever to make my own destiny, to choose my own path of happiness and to not allow myself to succumb to all of the sadness that is wallowing up inside. I know I don't want companionship right now, there was only one person I wanted that from and I can't get that from her.Does thinking about that make me sad? Yes it does at times, but its not going to end me.

I made up my mind, that first and foremost I need to make sure I can love myself, and treat myself with the respect I deserve and its time for me to take more of a responsibility for the bad actions I choose to make, instead of just complaining about them I am going to do something.

As of now, I don't entirely know for sure what all is in store for what I need to do, I sometimes feel like I might need to leave a community I've been apart of for nearly a decade, I love it a lot, but sometimes I feel like I'm obligated to it, to finish what I started, I will finish that, but I think from there I might have to say goodbye to everything.

It's a sad thing to realize, but I need to move on and grow up some, I am 27 and I will be 28 in about 2 months,I'm not that 17 year old boy who was so different from his family and friends that he decided to escape from them into another world and place, I met a lot of great people in this community, met people I feel closer to than I do with some of my family.

I even managed to fall in love, I could write a whole story about my life in this community, But I think I use it too much as a way to escape whats out here, what I'm afraid of so much,I am an extremely shy person and the internet helped me fix that at times, But I need to do it on my own, no matter how nervous and afraid I am of meeting people outside of my own little world.

I stayed out last night in my backyard, looking at all the stars, they are so far away, but no matter the distance you can still see them, you know they are there, and you know they always will be.Sometimes I wonder if you'll be there always, I wonder if all the people who love and care about me will be there to shine on me like these stars do,they might not always be the brightest light, and they may fall sometimes, but I will always be grateful to those beautiful lights that help me shine in this dark.


I love you all.