I can't escape these dreams no matter how hard I try, I keep having them every time I sleep, EVERY TIME. why is this still happening? Why do I find myself crying? I am not going to sleep, not until I figure out why I cant stop dreaming of her in some form or another. this time it was me chasing her, she didn't even seem to notice me, but I kept running and running and she kept getting farther away.

This isn't supposed to be about just her, that's not what this is for,I have been doing fine when I'm awake and everything has been going ok,  but when I fall asleep I can't stop what my heart is yearning for, I think she sorta broke me, all those times telling me she loved me over and over I can't get it out of my head......I can hear it now.

Fuck,all this new territory I've been entering with falling in love and then having my heart broken. I Don't know if it was such a good time for it,I was already at a somewhat emotional high from everything with my mother, now this. My eyes are so puffy from crying I haven't cried like this in a long time, I feel weak for not being able to pull myself through this, I kinda hate myself for it.

Love is so tricky, and I have become its play thing.