Where do I go.

Where do I go when I don't know what to do? When I feel like I'm destroying everything around me? Where do I stay to be happy? Does the embrace of someone who I want a future with take me where I need to go? Why is it I feel like I sabotage everything good in my life,Why am I trying too hard?

Why can't I get a grip on my own life, on my own progress, of my own soul, I feel like I'm fighting everything good, and trying to make it bad, why? Who do I turn to? I get on my knee's and pray I ask god to show me where I have to go, what I need to do.I have to make my own way, I have to face up to my own demons to my own mistakes to my own insecurities I'm not helping anyone with them.


happiness is there, I can feel it, but I push it away,why? Why do I try so hard to find faults in it, why do I make things worse, why do I push, and push until it is gone. Does anyone even hear me? Am I shouting to myself? Does anyone care?


I see people who do, but I turn away, I can't I shouldn't but I do, I throw away that care for sorrow, I throw away the happiness for guilt, I throw away pleasure for pain.I feel stuck in a luminous cloud that shadows me everywhere, where is my sunshine? I see it, but I block it, I figure its someone else light.Is it really mine?