I've told myself that things will get better, I told myself that over and over, I find myself falling deeper and deeper into things I shouldn't be. My direction is lost, my will is minimal, I keep secluding myself from everyone. Last night was a bad idea,my whole body aches, my soul hurts,I feel so broken, I'm here for my mom, but thats all I seem to be here for.
The other night,she was so scared, crying in my arms, how she didn't want to die,I just comfort her, she cried on my shoulder all night, I fell asleep with her sleeping on my shoulder, I'm going to miss her when she's gone, but I need to make sure she's knows I'm ok when she's left, but I don't know how to.
I feel lonely, and unloved, I feel like I'm just withering away like her cancer, I wish I could snap my finger and just remove all the pain, all the hate,all the guilt,all the resentment.I don't like this I don't like losing myself to grief and feeling sorry, I am an upbeat person, and I have lost that over this summer, I don't blame it on what happened with my ex, she only wanted me to be happy, she did that with taking me back when she still had feelings for someone else. Its just I feel like I'm heading down a path I don't think I'll come back from.
Feeling ignored, feeling invisible, feeling like no matter what I want to do it doesn't matter, I just don't know.
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