A friend of mine offered to let me stay at his cabin while I recovered from the incident last week, I stayed the weekend over there in santa cruz and came back today,I had a lot of time to just sit and think and enjoy nature.I thought a lot about my mom,what I'm going to do when she passes, and this summer.
As I sat in this beautiful backyard surrounded by giant tree's and a small lake, I thought to myself in the 27 years and 11 months I've been on this earth, what has been the greatest thing to happen to me?I thought long and looked back on it,I think about more recent things at first, like when me, my mom and sisters finally moved out of the horrible place we stayed at for 21 years and finally into a house, then I go back further to when I got my building and maintenance Degree,then even further to when I first was able to live with my dad.No matter what event I looked back on more and more only one really makes me feel extremely good to this day.
May 19th 2011,That was the day,When I knew what it was to be in love, To spend all night talking about nothing and everything.To actually feel your heart pop out of your chest from the thought of the person.To knowing who you are entirely brings happiness to someone else.I really thought about this long, and I realized there is nothing greater that I have gone through than that.I remember saying out loud after realizing it,
"I am never going to get over her....ever."
Yea I probably sound like a broken record, I don't care,I'm done trying to fight it,or bury it or just to move on past it, because I can't. I accept it for what it is and live my life beyond it.If I think about it too much though I do get a bit sad.In my delusional mind I feel like we were really meant for each other,I feel like anything else I have in my life or anything she has, is just second to what we would have with one another. Of course I could be entirely wrong, but I could be right as well.
I hope the day comes I can experience what we had again,it'll never be the same but the feeling will be.I just hope it doesn't take me another 27 years.
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