Well I've lost all control, last night my ex let me have it, called me scum, to go fuck myself, that we'd never be friends, ok fine. I tried, I fucked up badly too much for any sort of forgiveness even though I doubt the only people who read what I said were the people she actually showed the post to. I don't deserve her forgiveness and I won't try anymore to plead or live the lie of thinking we can be friends, its time to officially just cut ties with her for good completely.
my sister was seriously hurt by her boyfriend last night, he slammed her face against the wall, knocking out some of her teeth and bruising her face badly, I went over with her and my other sister to get her things, he was there,talking shit and I just lost all control, frustrated with my mom's situation, with how my ex just coldly wrote me off, even after all the times I've forgiven her, and this thing with my sister just pushed me over the edge, I punched him right in the face, over and over again. I would've killed him if my sisters didn't get me off of him.
I'm done caring about everything though, I'm so burnt out, I've taken some more pain killers today to kill this sorrow I have, over everything. I deserve what has happened to me, I brought it upon myself by letting my anger get to me and writing what I did, I deserve to go to jail for what happened because I should've been the bigger person and not let him get to me.
I can't change me, I don't know where to start, I just want to have a drama free life, but that won't happen I have to accept that. I have to accept that the only girl I've ever loved will never love me again, and will hate me for the rest of my life, she probably wishes I died, maybe I'll grant her that wish.
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