Today was not an easy day, went back to more common duties at work today, I felt a bit winded by some of it, seems like I'm getting sick. I've been hot and lightheaded all day, had to buck it up to help my mother out today though, its been tough, helping her up and down off her bed, as she tells me she's scared and cries on my arm as I comfort her, I tell her it'll be ok and she tells me how she doesn't know what she'd do without me.
as I sit here in my backyard, in the cold howling wind, I feel comfort here, it embraces me, keeps me away from the increasing doubts in my head, keeps me from wondering how much time I have left with her, I want to take her to where we want to spread her ashes, but I don't think she'll be healthy enough to make the journey.
I can hear the wind, it's almost like its running on my emotions, I think of the person my heart jumps for and the wind howls more than it has. I think of my mother and it almost feels as though it's weeping for me.This wind has become a anchor to my thoughts, my emotions, and my dreams.
I almost want to just stay here all night, and escape from all of this hardship,other than the moments I spend with the woman I love, her voice comforts me so easily, just hearing it makes me happy, one of the reasons I sometimes can't hear her when she talks to me.I can't use her as my crutch, its not what I want her to be, this wind will do for now, its not the same comfort or embrace, its something different, something that works for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment