Ugh,I was doing so good, my friend came in while I was playing her in a match, he asked me about her when we went outside and he figured out she was the girl I was talking to, I didn't mention we had broken up, I didn't see the need to even bring it up,he then mentioned how it was rare to see a girl into video games and good, not to mention beautiful.When he told me "you shouldn't let go of this one" I could feel a jab in my chest that I shrugged off.
I played her again later, and she doesn't seem the same around me anymore, I don't mean calling me baby, or telling me she loves me, her over all demeanor seems cold, it feels like a different person sometimes, I get faint glimpses of how she normally is, but it only lasts a few seconds, she chastises me as well about how I play, it almost feels as she's annoyed, and it just gets to me more.
I have to be clear about something, I've always been happy by myself, I have just been searching sharing that happiness with someone else, I may have my moments of vulnerability but I get over them and march forward, I am the guy my friends come to. I lost sight of that guy when I let myself get too involved in love too quick, I always wanted to be happy as a friend before I was happy being with someone.
I still want to be friends with her, but not this version of her she presents to me, is it a shield to keep away her feelings? to keep from doing something regrettable? I don't know she doesn't talk to me, I am not that friend,I am the friend at distance. hearing her kiss in the background before we play a match still drives me wild,even though its not for me, I still miss that at times.Sometimes wounds take longer to heal than you think.
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