Dreaming of an unattainable life.

I had a great dream just now, I don't know how long I'll remember it so I'll write down what I do.
I was sitting on the porch with her, watching as what looked like our kids playing.I turn to her and look and she smiles, I smile back and she reaches out for my hand "I'm glad we made it here" she says, I don't know what here is, but I'm glad to be here too.

I can see the girl come up to her, and ask her something I can't really hear well, she comforts her and gives her a hug,I look over and smile, I haven't felt happy like this before, not since....well since she first told me she loved me. We all go inside and she fixes us dinner, we all eat at the table and talk about the day as if this was a normal routine.

The last I remember of this dream before I woke up,was reading my "kids" a story as she stood in the doorway, she smiled again, that same smile she gave me on the porch,its so beautiful, looking at her smile makes me feel like I can do anything.I go to her, and brush her hair back, and tell her how much I love her and our family we finally have.

Then I wake up, and look up at my ceiling I realize it was just a dream and I notice I'm crying,"what is wrong with me?" I say in anger. I try so hard to move passed this but my dreams are keeping me back.Am I torturing myself? Am I putting myself through all of this for being such an asshole when I was younger? Maybe this is just karma,maybe I'm just broken, I don't know what it is,But all I know is I can't wait to sleep again.