bah, I can't sleep, am I irritated? am I mad? I don't think so, frustrated? a little I guess, but I'm a big boy, I can manage. sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, my friends are so far away, and I just had to tell my friend who's also my roommate he has to move out, now I feel like I'm even more alone.
sometimes I feel so pressured by my sister to do more than I should because she keeps playing on my guilt towards leaving them, sometimes I feel trapped here,but I know I can't leave them, they need me. I wish I could be where my heart is, but I know its not time yet.
I don't know if anyone will ever read this, I don't really care either, this is really just for me pouring myself out when I can't do so to others, I listen again and again as my mother cries in agony from more problems that seem to come to her every new day, I keep my head up and move forward, although my heart aches every time I hear her scream from some pain.
I hope no one does read this, its all so sad now, I'm still happy because of someone, but I can't always escape into her embrace, she needs her own time, so I have to suck it up and muster on, I won't burden her with telling her, I don't want her to see me sad, because she makes me so happy. I do the same with my mother, I don't know how much longer she has.
I wish she could stay and see my children some day, or meet my wife, or just see me make something of myself. I get so angry when I think of all of it, its not fair, but life isn't fair, you make the most of what you get, and that's what I'm going to do. I just wish my time alone didn't make me sad so much.
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