I must torture myself on purpose in my dreams, as last night, was probably the best dream I had in a long time if not ever, but waking up was probably the biggest heartache I've faced. I don't know what is wrong with me, why do I seem to revolve around nothing more than my mother's illness and my ability to not get over my ex.
In my dream I was getting married, my mother was there, my sisters were there, all my friends online and in real life were there too.I didn't know who the bride was until she came down, wearing a beautiful dress with a vale covering her face, I know that smile though, I know that smile from anywhere.It was her, I was marrying her.It felt so real.I could feel the tear come down my cheek as she made her way next to me, she was so beautiful she smiled at me and said "Now I will never break your heart or leave you again jr, I love you so much, I'm going to give you children and a family YOUR family"
I remember being so happy, I was finally able to hold her hand, and sway back her hair to kiss her, as I did, I could see every memory we ever shared, every feeling we ever contrived every emotion we ever felt.Her lips were so soft, her smile so beautiful warmed my very soul "You don't have to cry or worry about losing me anymore, with this we are together until death" as I say I do and make our way out of the church, I wake up. "NO" I yelled out, "Its not fair, why is this always happening?!" I let out in anger, the dream was so wonderful the best dream I've ever had, but waking up from it, has to be the worse feeling ever.
Why......Why can I not get passed this? Why is this so hard, why do I love her SO MUCH? Why? can you tell me? Can you tell me why I love you more than I love myself, why I have to leave everything I ever knew online just to TRY to move on.Am I doing all this self consciously myself? I don't know anymore, but if I have that dream again, I am NEVER waking back up.
No comments:
Post a Comment