So I figured I write even more because I feel better when I talk about all of this for some reason.
My dad has been calling me and my sister for about 4 months now, my sister will not take his calls. I on the other hand have had to lie why she doesn't want to talk to him. He's been sober for about 5 months now and I'm proud of him, but my sister isn't on board yet. Said she'd actually acknowledge his sobriety when he's reached like 5 years.
I think it's a bit rough but she's been around him a lot longer than I have. Retail is something I didn't want to ever get back into as far as jobs go, but right now I don't have much choice on the matter. The job I had before was the longest I had kept. 3 years, 3 years and I was let go because I was 7 minutes late. All be it I was on my final warning, and that was because I would work my ass off and forget to take a lunch break before my 5th hour.
I was good at my job, damn good, it takes 2 people to do what I did in 3 hours. And I was let go because of bullshit. When I left the whole atmosphere at the place changed. I had people calling me telling me it was a lot less fun and silly (which is basically me in a nutshell at times). 3 other people left after me because of the way things were going. I'm not saying I was the life of the store, but I was a big part of what made people smile.
I miss my mom everyday, it's still so surreal that she's not here anymore. I have dreams about her all the time in our old townhouse back in Hayward before I moved out here. I still wake up every few days and just go "damn, she's really not coming back". It's still hard to swallow, when you lose someone who did so much for you, and they are no longer around it's hard to try to do those things yourself. It almost feels like you shouldn't be doing because that other person was doing them and did them so good.
I have a hard time letting go of anything, I can't lie and say that I don't still love my Ex from last year,because I do. If that's pitiful and sad then call me one pitiful sad man. I had fun, I enjoyed her, she made everything in my life not suck.And I still wake up every now and then and wonder what if. I don't dwell on it, I just look at it as a missed opportunity.
I don't go out much, I don't have a car, I don't know how to drive. All my friends are all really busy with their own lives, while I sit and let mine waste away.All I have now are my hobbies and this, this blog. Well it's good for one thing, and that's the one thing I love more than almost anything, and that's to write.
I don't want anyone's pity, that's not why I'm writing this, it's just me telling a blog what I can't tell my friends, what I'm scared to tell myself. But it has to be said, or else I'm just keeping it bottled and that's no good for anyone. I hope everyone who read's this has a happy holiday season, even if I'm not.
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