Coming back to this two days in a row, doesn't normally happen, but it's been one of those weeks.
I understand some of the sorrow and anger some of the people have,but I can't ever view what I had with her negative, it's one of the only things I can look to when I think of things in my life that made me happy. I've lost so much of what did, and I don't want to lose anymore. I won't allow any of this to taint how I felt, how I feel. I never knew what the fuck it was to feel in love with someone till that moment, and I haven't since, that's how I know how special it was.
Didn't matter how it ended or started up again and ended. I don't care, I can't lose anything else that made me happy, and now just hearing how people are so one sided in how they view everything, it makes it so hard for me to be around, I don't hate these people, I don't resent them, they just don't understand, and they can't.
I've struggled with depression for so long, being alone isolating myself, which I've seem to have done again recently, it's hard to get close to people when you lose them or just drift apart, Been feeling worse health wise too it seems, haven't told anyone the full way I've been feeling. Just the little stuff. I'm so scared of what it could be or even telling the people close to me it could be worse, all I've got now is my sister and all she has is me, I can't give her more panic with me. It's been such a rough year and a half for both of us, moreso her than me.
I'm trying to stay positive and keep my mood up, I'm trying the best I can, and I'll continue to.
I'll look into seeing whats really wrong with me, hopefully before it's too late. Writing in this, really helps there's still things I can't tell anyone, it's just too hard and feels too selfish in the current climate. I'm one of many in a lot of situations, but I do know whats special to me and what keeps me
looking forward to the future,and living.
No comments:
Post a Comment