Growing Up

It took 31 years, but I finally feel like I'm becoming a real adult. Not making the same lazy childish mistakes, taking better care of myself. Which included quitting smoking, something that I thought I'd never do. I feel like it's time for me to be the man my mother would be proud of. The man I should be proud of. 

The more and more I see my friends making their families bigger I find myself wanting my own. There's a lot of things I have to do before that, And hopefully it's not too late. I'd love to watch my children grow and steer them in directions I was too afraid and unwilling to go. I don't want to live through them, but I want them to do what I couldn't do, be what I couldn't. 

Before I do that, I have to find someone again, I have to get past finding a warm body for the night. Sometimes I have to wonder what I'm so afraid of. I have to make big changes, including how I spend most of my days, I can't be this hermit I'm turning into, I can't be afraid of whats out there. And what might come. It's not entirely easy for me to really find anyone though. I think that can be said for anyone though. Love isn't easy and it doesn't drop in your lap, but I'm willing to try and I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone to do so. 

It's time, It's time to grow up.