reading some of my last entries I really want to slap myself at times. I've become this big whiny baby and I want to slap myself when I read some of this.
School's going good I guess, sorta messed up my last class but have been doing great with this month's course. I've felt weird lately really weird. Like I hate to be repetitive but I feel like I'm stuck in neutral as far as life is going. Didn't really have a thanksgiving this year and probably won't have a X-mas either. Fuck I tried so hard to not make this post depressing as hell but it's become that.
I think it's time I grew up a little bit more and grab life by the balls and do something. I feel like I'm in this shitty rut and I don't want to get out of it because I don't really care. I don't seem to care about much of anything atm. And I hate that, but what do I do to fix it? How do I care again? how do I care, and not let it ruin me or make me even more depressed than I can sometimes be.
Writing in this blog helps me vent when I don't want to tell my friends the rutt I'm in, because they all have been doing great for the most part. One friend has just finally had a boy after two girls, and another friend has been doing great as a father to four kids that aren't his own. How do I talk about my problems to them when they are so insignificant to begin with.
sometimes I wish I never used a computer, or played video games, or any of the things I do to waste my life away, but that shouldn't be what I blame for my miss-comings in recent years, it's my own.
ughhhhh I turned this into another sappy downer post, I'm sorry for those who actually read this. I hate to bum out everyone even more. Sometimes there is no other place to gripe and bitch and moan then you're own blog. Get one kids!
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