Asking for the impossible

Heh, this blog is active again, go figure it happens when she makes an appearance in my life again. I've come to enjoy them a lot. I might be reaching myself if I think something between us can happen again. She's been the only thing on my mind the last few days, I just hope I don't set myself up for more heartbreak.

Thinking about her makes me happy though, imaging how life could end up being with her. I am the type who is very loyal and will do whatever I can for those I love. I found myself thinking about her again today and decided to write this,

I messaged her again and left the ball in her court, she holds the power, she always did, and that was always fine with me. I just want to hear her voice again, hear her laugh. She makes me feel good, she makes me feel important. I love how she makes me feel, I miss her so much.

Am I lingering too long? it's been four years,and a single sentence is enough to make me want to put a baby in her. Having kids with her, we'd be the best team, or least I'd always thought we would. I'm getting carried  away, Just being able to talk to her again would be ok for now, the other stuff can stay in my dreams.

My Year

2016 Is here, I have a great feeling about this year, regardless of what happens in the immediate future I have big things coming and I can't wait.


There was also the sudden Surprise I got to welcome in the year,

"Happy new years sweetheart"

Hearing from you, and hearing you call me sweetheart, It brought back a feeling, one I only ever got from you, everytime you told me you loved me.This beautiful feeling of being loved and knowing someone wants to love you, I wanted to tell you so much after that one sentence. I still want to.


I want to tell you I want to be with you, that I want to kiss you,that I want you to never feel alone. I want to tell you how I think your so fucking cool, and funny, and a smartass but I love that, and I love you, and would want you to be my  my wife.and the mother of my children some day.

Jeez, I really didn't want to come on so strong, all these feelings have been around for a long time I might just be a romantic. I've had strong feelings for others, but the way I've felt about you, I've never felt that with anyone else. I've tried to, but it never happened,

I love the way you can make me feel with just a little gesture, I love how when I listen to a beautiful song or turn to see the gorgeous sunset your voice will gently make it's way into my mind. No matter what happened, when I think of you, I feel nothing but warmth love and happiness.

I feel like I'm bleeding out my feelings the more I begin to type, I wish I could just hold you, and look into your eyes and tell you how much I've loved you, and how much you helped me in a dark time.How much I miss those nights where we would fall asleep on the phone. Or being the first person I talked to in the morning. I miss you.


I've wrote you a few times over the years I knew they wouldn't go through, but everytime I thought of you I would write you, it was more for me, letting out feelings, sometimes not even about you, but just wondering how it was so easy for me with you, when it's been so hard with others.


I can still hear the first time you told me you loved me, it always gives me a great feeling, and sometimes I might even cry, not because I'm sad, just that I actually had a chance to feel this way, it's beautiful. it's so beautiful and I will always love you for giving me that.

I'm not reading into things am I?


I'll find out,that's for sure

Third time's a charm

It's funny how when I see she messaged me I have a million thoughts.  "Does she miss me too?" "Is she messing with me?" "Is she just doing this for the hell of it?"

Having her call me sweetheart is great,I hope I'm not getting my hopes up but 2016 has started off great.


So far...