So while on an irc channel I tend to visit, a friend brought up a old discussion on a forum about her. All my emotions came rushing forward with the sheer mention of her. At this very moment I can't stop myself from shaking. I feel like I don't think I will ever get over her. Fucking shit. How many times am I going to keep saying that? It seems almost pathetic in a sense but, they do say you never truly get over the first person you fall in love with.
My life has been picking up and I'm doing better. I just got an A in my last course.And my GPA is now a 3.0
My sister and friends are proud and impressed with what I'm doing. But my mind still wanders. Asking myself, "What would she think about this? how is she doing?" Why do I need to even think about it? I don't know honestly. My love life is weird right now, just random dating and I've worked up the courage to ask out women now,but she still stays in my heart and on my mind.
I know part of it is because I never got closure, which was my own fault. I became a complete asshole and creep. I lost myself in rage and heartache. I've written countless poems over how I felt over it all And about her. They just sit here in my folder, all of them. Full of my anger, full of my tears, full of my love. Full of my regret. I don't know what to do other than to just ignore it all. I fight back a few tears now over how I feel. It's weird, It's been so long now but, it still feels like it was only last month everything happened.
I'll do what I've done in the past, use this blog, my poetry, my friends and my writing to get past this hole in my heart. I know I can sooth it, but I don't think I can ever fill it.
No comments:
Post a Comment